Building strong relationships

Last night, I had the privilege of teaching our elementary age kids during our AWANA program at Southern Calvert Baptist Church. Our theme was “fellowship“. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to maintain strong relationships with each other because we are part of the body of Christ. We have to get along with each other because we are all connected to each other through our relationship with Jesus Christ. Our text for the evening was Ephesians 4:1-3. Life is all about relationships. As a pastor, I have the opportunity to help people transition from this life to the next. While on a deathbed, people usually do not regret not making more money or having more stuff. The main regret that I hear is, “I wish I had more time with _____________ person“. Relationships are really the most precious things that we have on this earth. It begins with our relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ. This relationship trains us to build up good relationships with others. Even though relationships are extremely important, we struggle with them because of our sin nature. The Apostle Paul has to write to the believers in Ephesus to challenge them to build lasting relationships with each other. We can assume that these relationships were struggling which caused Paul to write to them to correct this problem.

I. Correction

Confrontation is not something that we like. We do not like to be corrected and we definitely do not like to have to correct others. Even though we do not like correction, it is a necessity in the life of every human being. The Apostle Paul had the courage to reach out to the Ephesians and correct them. In God’s sovereignty, this correction applies to us today, almost 2,000 years later.

Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, (Ephesians 4:1)

Paul’s relationship with the Lord is the motivating factor for Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. He “implores” them to live in the light of their personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. The word “implore” means, “to come alongside someone with the purpose of correction and encouragement“. We love encouragement and we need it. Sometimes, encouragement is enough. In this case, the Ephesians were headed in the wrong direction and needed to be corrected before being encouraged. If we simply encourage people without correcting them first, we could end up encouraging them to continue on in the wrong direction. How do you handle correction? The way that you handle correction reveals a lot about you.

II. Attitude and Actions

What needed to change among the Ephesians? The Apostle Paul, in his list of attitudes and actions, reveals some of the issues that the Ephesians were facing. These issues are the same ones that we face today when it comes to building lasting relationships.

with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, (Ephesians 4:2)

The Apostle Paul begins the list with humility. Every single human being on this earth was created by God, in His own image. We have no reason to think that we are better than others and we have no reason to look down on others. A humble person understands this. On the other hand, because of our sin nature, we have a tendency to think more highly of ourselves and look down on others. This kind of attitudes ruins relationships. In order to build strong relationships, each one of us must have an attitude of humility. We are not better than others. We do not look down on others. The second item in Paul’s list is gentleness. The King James version of the Bible uses the word “meekness“. Meekness is not weakness. Gentleness, or meekness, simply means, “power under control“. As human beings created in the image of God, we have great power. Because of our sin nature, that great power is often used for destruction. When we are gentle, that great power is harnessed and put under control. That great power is no longer used for destruction. Instead, it is used for good. It seems that the Ephesians were using that great power for destruction instead of good. Strong relationships are maintained when each person has an attitude of gentleness. Are you using your great power to build up others or to destroy them? Third in the list is patience. Being patient means, “slow to boil over, or, slow to explode“. All human beings have buttons that are easily pushed. When someone pushes your buttons, your natural desire is to react. A patient person is a person who is slow to react, especially when his buttons are pushed. How do you respond when provoked? Do you blow up and then blame the other person for your actions? That was an issue among the Ephesians and it is an issue among us today. What can we learn from this? The fourth attribute in the list is tolerance. The word tolerant here does not mean what we think it means in our modern world. Today, people believe that tolerance means, “accepting everyone and everything“. The Apostle Paul’s use of the word is, “to hold up another person who is struggling“. We all struggle at different times in our lives. A tolerant person recognizes when another person is struggling and takes initiative to intervene and help. How easy is it to see someone struggling and turn a blind eye to it, simply praying that the Lord will, “send someone to help“? If you see a person struggling, God has made you aware of it and you are that person. Are you ready to take initiative and intervene when others around you are struggling? The fifth item in the list is love. The Greek word used here is agape. It is the most noble form of love in the Greek language. It is synonymous with sacrifice and service. It’s a choice, not a feeling or an emotion. It is constant. Do you live to serve the people around you? Do you take initiative in serving others? What would happen to our relationships if we lived out these 5 attitudes and actions? What are the results?

III. Results

The two results mentioned by the Apostle Paul are two things that we all long for in this modern world.

being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:3)

Unity is something that we all want. Peace is something that we all long for. The problem is, we tend to focus on unity and peace and overlook what it takes to get to unity and peace. If the attitude and actions expounded on in the previous section are not followed, unity and peace will never be attained. On the other hand, if we focus on those five attitudes and actions, the natural result will be unity and peace. We usually want others to do those five things instead of taking the initiative of doing them ourselves. Are you ready to set the example for others to follow? Will you receive this correction that the Apostle Paul gives to us and make the necessary changes in your relationships? Examine your relationships. Is there unity? Is there peace? What changes can be made on your part to work toward unity and peace? When will you make an effort to bring about those changes?